Supporting Your Child’s Inner Life
by Toby Moorhouse, Early Childhood Director and Teacher
(Originally appeared in Clarity
Magazine, Summer 1999.)
Opening a Window to the Inner Life
Many of us have felt at some time that we lost our connection
with our inner lives. We may not even be sure of what it is we
are actually looking for, but we do know there is an aspect of
ourselves that is more a part of who we really are than just our
possessions, appearance, and all the other ways that we usually
identify ourselves. We attend countless workshops, read numerous
books, and listen to many different teachers, all with the goal
of finding that connection.
Once we are able to reclaim that precious key to
happiness, or even gain a small glimpse of it, we feel so much
joy that we inevitably want to share it. We especially want to
share it with our children. That is what this article is about.
Through years of teaching children, working with parents, and
receiving guidance from people of wisdom and insight, I have tried
many different methods to open a window through which children
might peer into their life within. I would like to offer to you
a glimpse of what I have discovered.
What does it mean to support the inner life of a
child? It means helping children reach inside to experience, explore
and identify with that part of themselves which is referred to
as the soul. From this awareness they can also probe the ways
they are connected to that same center within the rest of creation
and to God.
Every child is "plugged in" at birth to
a source of joy and power and wisdom. And just as radios are surrounded
by electromagnetic waves, children are surrounded by the love
and care of the divine forces that actively sustain the universe.
Our job as parents and teachers is to help children find the frequency
that will attune them to that consciousness of fulfillment and
joy.
When children learn how to tune in and listen to
their own "station," those divine forces can flow freely.
The child can then receive news and information (inner guidance),
entertainment (inner states of happiness), and special programs
(new insights and inspirations) that are all part of an active
inner life.
Expansion Is the Key to Spiritual Growth
Some people are confused about what actually constitutes
a "spiritual activity" for children. Obviously, empty
outward practices do little to uplift a child. If repeatedly enforced
by an adult, they can even cause the child to turn away from spiritual
matters altogether. On the other hand, not to offer them opportunities
to experience the world of Spirit would also be a great disservice.
I have observed that a spiritually beneficial activity leads to
an expansion of the child's consciousness in one of three ways.
That expansion might broaden a child's self-definition
to include the soul, higher self, or inner reality. So much of
one's identity is often built upon what one does, owns, or looks
like outwardly, rather than on what one is inwardly. To expand
one's sense of self beyond one's body, outward talents, and personality
traits to include one's soul reality is an important step to take.
The second aspect of expansion opens a child to
the consciousness and needs of other people, plants and animals,
and even non-physical realities such as the angels. Expanding
in this way, the child feels a part of, not separate from, the
rest of creation. With this feeling of oneness comes a growing
sense of caring and love.
The third aspect of expansion connects a child's
consciousness with a higher power, or God. The concept of an omnipotent,
omnipresent power is very important to most children. It helps
them feel secure, cared for, and protected.
In addition, it is equally important to attend to
the child's age and level of interest and energy. Obviously, suggesting
an activity that requires compassion just after a child has had
a temper tantrum would be inappropriate and ineffective.
Service to Others
All of us have heard the saying, "It is better to
give than to receive." The chances are that if we first heard
this as a child, we wondered how in the world such a thing could
be true. As we grew and had more opportunities to give and to
feel the joy that comes with giving, we began to realize that
we actually did gain happiness from such selflessness. Living
in harmony does bring joy. Living at the cost of others' happiness
brings discontentment, even if there is some passing pleasure
from getting one's own way. Giving children opportunities to serve
others, and helping them become consciously aware of the benefits
and joy of such actions, guides them towards that realization.
For many children, compassion for others, especially those in
need, is a natural and easy avenue to their higher selves.
One year my class became aware of a way we could
help a large group of refugee children who were in dire need of
all of the essentials for living. I asked the class to think of
a particular type of child, such as an eight to ten-year-old girl
or a five to six-year-old boy. For that child they were to gather
clothes, food, toys, and other useful items, put them in a box
along with their own picture and a little note, label the type
of child it was for, and send it off. The joy and sense of purpose
that the children received from that act of giving was tremendous!
Some even sought out little jobs in which they could earn money
to buy items for their refugee child.
If consciously serving others is new or difficult
for a child, it is often easiest to start by helping him serve
those he already loves. Serving with the child allows you to set
the example and magnetize the activity so that the child will
be drawn into it more easily. For example, a father might say
to his son, "Look how tired Mommy seems. Let's see if we
can get the dishes done while she's in the shower." Obviously,
it is helpful at this beginning stage for the child to receive
positive feedback from the one being served. For many children
the outward appreciation of those they love helps to open the
door to serving others.
Caring for animals, especially baby animals, opens
the heart to the joys of service for almost all children, especially
between the ages 6 and12. If you have ever seen a child in the
presence of a baby animal, you will know what I mean. They want
to do everything for it: feed it, carry it, comfort it, and protect
it. You can almost see the child's heart expanding.
So often children have come to me just beaming with
joy and excitement over some act of kindness. In these situations
I try to help them see how their actions have produced these wonderful
feelings. In this way, from their actual experience, the children
begin to appreciate that there really is an inner joy that is
activated by outward acts of kindness. Their serviceful acts can
then become freed from the need for outward recognition since
their inner feelings are a sufficient motivation. From here it
is only a short step to feel happiness in the joy of others.
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Adventures in Nature
The grandeur, beauty, and power of nature touch some
children in a way that little else can. The natural world instills
in children a sense of awe and security at the same time. It is
so vast, and yet intricately small. It is filled with liveliness,
but also deep calm. It has natural rhythms of constant change-day
and night, the cycle of the seasons, birth, life, and death-and
still there is such steadfastness to the patterns that those changes
follow. All of these qualities are a part of the magnetic power
of nature to draw children into a greater awareness.
Activities that help children tune into and value
the life that flows through all of nature can produce striking
results. I have seen children go from saying, "Oooh, there's
an ant!" and proceeding to stomp on it with a sense of gleeful
triumph, to saying, "Oh, look at those ants, I wonder what
they're doing?" and quietly watching them, being careful
not to disturb them.
Once I taught some boys who loved to talk tough about hunting
and killing creatures. Together we studied the Native Americans'
reverence for life and learned the art of stalking. Never did
I hear them talk about killing those animals that they took the
time to stalk. Getting close to the animals seemed to awaken a
sense of respect.
There are many activities that give children the
opportunity to draw close to nature. Silent walks alone in natural
settings, going out at dusk to watch the stars as they appear
in the darkening sky, and silently stalking an animal and closely
observing how it lives, are just a few examples. A favorite of
many children is to climb to the top of the highest tree that
they can find and then to sit absolutely still, nestled in the
branches, trying to imagine and feel what it must be like to be
a tree or a bird who lives there. This is especially fun on a
mildly windy day.
Whatever the activity, time is an important ingredient.
Racing through a natural setting with a quick glance here and
there simply will not deepen one's awareness or sense of oneness
with nature. Time must be taken to move in a rhythm that is in
harmony with the natural setting. Only when one has become a part
of and not a disturbance to nature, can there be a sense of communion
with the wondrous world that remains hidden to those who only
look with fleeting, impatient eyes.
Relationships
In our normal interactions with those around us, it is
easy to lose sight of the deeper, soul-level connection that we
share with one another. In one of my second grade classes a small
group of girls was repeatedly experiencing a particular conflict
during recess. No amount of talking the situation over and trying
to help them see other points of view seemed to remedy the situation.
One morning I decided to lead them in a visualization in which
a group of four year olds were having difficulty seeing each other's
perspectives. The girls were to visualize themselves helping the
little ones work out their differences in a way that would meet
everyone's needs. By being put in a position of leadership, in
which their sense of fairness and right action was called into
play, and in which their own self-interest wasn't at stake, they
were easily able to determine a wise course of action. The next
time their own conflict situation arose, it only took a gentle
reminder of the visualization to help them find a way to work
things out.
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Exploring Other Realities
Some children are particularly inspired to expand their
consciousness by thoughts of realities other than their own, such
as the world of animals or the realm of angels. By inwardly exploring
these thoughts, children can go beyond some of the limitations
of their physical existence, and open up to the freedom of their
inner life.
I have found that many children greatly enjoy visualizations
in which they imagine themselves to be an animal of some kind.
They then visualize themselves eating, playing, crawling, flying,
and living, surrounded by their animal family, in an appropriate
home for that animal. Often children have asked me to lead them
in visualizations in which they imagine themselves to be angels.
They enjoy being able to help others without the restrictions
that the physical world imposes. The seemingly secret aspect of
angelic assistance is also fun for the children. It is easier
for some children to take their first steps in expansion in this
way because they don't feel so threatened by, or in competition
with, beings such as these.
A short while ago I was planning on taking some
children out for a three-day camping trip. I knew that one of
the little girls had a tendency to be fearful at night when she
was away from home, so I asked her mother what I should do to
ease those fears. "Oh I don't think it will be a problem,"
she replied. "Now, any time she gets afraid, she just thinks
about, or prays to, her guardian angel and she stops being afraid."
Relating to a Higher Power
So many adults struggle with the concept of God; children generally
do not. While we adults might fool ourselves into thinking that
we can control all aspects of our lives without the help of a
higher power, children do not have this misconception. They expect
to be taken care of and directed by some other power. At first
they rely on their parents. Young children often think of their
parents as all-knowing, all-seeing beings. At some point however,
children realize that their parents cannot always be with them,
protecting them every minute of each day. Things will happen that
even parents cannot control. When that awareness occurs, it is
very reassuring to children to have an established relationship
with a higher power that they can count on.
The challenge then, is not so much to convince children
that a higher power exists, but rather to find ways to bring the
consciousness of that power into their lives so that it becomes
a daily reality and help for them. A common mistake is to think
that what children need is a definition of God, what He likes
or how He works. As adults we may have found certain ideas or
beliefs based on our own experiences and background that have
been helpful to us in strengthening our relationship. It is a
fallacy to assume that our children will necessarily benefit in
the same way. Children can all too easily learn to say the “right
things” out of a willingness to please or a fear of retribution.
In either case the stated belief has no basis in the child’s
personal experience, and eventually, a disinterest or rebellion
against this and all belief systems may surface.
A more constructive approach is to accept that there
is a mystery to God’s existence that lies beyond the powers
of the human mind to comprehend. We do have the right and obligation
to share our experiences and beliefs, but we must make sure that
we offer these as helpful options and never force them on our
children. In this way you can give your child the space to construct
her own combination of experience and belief.
Prayer
Regular practice of prayer is a valuable means of helping children
establish a relationship with a higher power. Giving thanks for
food at mealtimes or scheduling daily prayers can by supplemented
by spontaneous conversations with God about current family events.
It is also helpful to ask for divine guidance when important decisions
need to be made. You can encourage children to look for a response
as an inner voice or feeling, words spoken by other people that
have a ring of truth to them, or the unfolding of outer events
that point to the proper course of action (e.g., an unexpected
invitation or gift of money). Under your supervision, encourage
children to act on the guidance they receive, helping them differentiate
between an over-active imagination and real intuition.
Miracles
Many people at some time in their lives have experienced
direct, divine intervention. Relating stories such as St. Francis’
taming of the wolf of Gubbio or John Muir’s experience of
God’s protection when exploring the wilderness helps support
a child’s growing sense of a divine presence. Share with
them your own relationship with the Divine whenever you feel that
all-powerful hand in your life. Your devotion, reverence, and
faith will have a strong influence.
Meditation
Meditation is a precious tool that can take children
to new heights of awareness, but the child’s readiness to
receive such training is an essential ingredient when you consider
offering it to him. Of course, there is no harm in experimenting
with such techniques now and again, but serious, regular practice
should begin only when the child is truly ready. If formal meditation
techniques are presented and tried too often before children are
able to sense the valuable benefits, they may develop the idea
that meditation is boring, doesn’t help them or is something
they can’t do.
It is common for children to inquire into why they,
or anyone else, should meditate. Care must be taken to present
children with goals that are readily achievable. Experiences of
inner peace, light, expanded awareness and deep joy not resulting
from outer circumstances are common effects of meditation that
they can feel. In most cases, the more children experience these
benefits of meditation, the more they will want to meditate.
At no time should a child be coerced into meditating.
A simple way of ensuring that the child is acting on his own volition
is to offer several different spiritual practices to choose from,
with meditation being one of them. If the child chooses meditation,
that is fine. If not, that is equally fine. The key is that when
the child meditates, he should feel that it is his choice to do
so.
When children have been introduced to meditation
in a non-coercive way, they will make use of the practice when
it becomes inwardly meaningful to them. Recently, one of my past
students was asked why she has chosen to meditate regularly on
her own. She responded, “When I don’t meditate, I
start to feel lonely.” Obviously she was making a meaningful,
comforting connection within, one that she wanted to renew regularly.
Sharing the Journey
Like many others, you may be feeling overwhelmed by your
lack of training for the tremendous undertaking of helping children
awaken spiritually. The best training for this task is giving
time and energy to your own inner life. In other words, you can’t
share something that you don’t already have! You will find,
as I did, that as you become more attuned to your higher self
and the divine spirit, you will gain clearer insights into just
the kind of experience that will be most beneficial to each child
in your life.
Trust yourself, and trust the divine power in this
universe to support your efforts to help your children unfold
spiritually. If you are open, receptive, and courageous enough
to try new ideas, the insights and inspiration that you need will
come to you. Remember: Don’t worry about the outward form
of a particular activity. Focus instead on the inner experience
and enjoy the special times you share with your children. Look
for those especially receptive moments and seize them. They may
quickly pass.
Keep in mind that you do not have to present yourself
to your children as a finished product. You are a work in progress.
Sometimes modeling the journey is more beneficial for them than
trying to give them the answers. It shows children how they too
can travel along this road of inner awakening. They can learn
where to look for help and guidance when they get lost and don’t
know an answer. You will not always be there for them. Giving
them a road map for a journey, their journey, is a great blessing
for them.
Finally, it can be very inspiring for children when
you share your own experiences, excitement, and love of this inner
journey with them. There is an almost irresistible magnetism that
exists when someone shares something that she is deeply devoted
to. The joy and fulfillment that you feel will be transferred
to your children and will give them an increased sense of purpose
for their own efforts. Offer that precious gift to your children.
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