Preparing Children for Troubled Times
An Interview with Nitai Deranja, founder of Living Wisdom Schools
(Originally appeared in Clarity
Magazine, Spring, 2002.)
The Living Wisdom High School at Ananda Village
combines college prep academics with life skills to offer a balanced
education that prepares students for the joys and responsibilities
of life. The school is now accepting applications for boys and
girls 7-12th grades, boarding and day students.
Q: At what age do you try to explain something
like the World Trade Center attacks to a child?
Nitai: The age of the child makes a big
difference. For younger children, 6-12 years old, when something
like the World Trade Center attacks happens, you mention it to
them, you let them know what’s happening, but as simply
as possible on the verbal plane. It’s best not to show them
graphic images of violence or to expose them to adults who are
emotionally upset. One of the worst things for a small child is
to see violent images over and over again.
Children from 6 to 12 are wide open and very vulnerable
emotionally, so at our school we shield them as much as possible
from the storms and extremes of life. It’s like cultivating
a garden. Children at this age don’t have a lot of defenses,
and can be hurt deeply by violence of any kind.
Q: What if the younger children have already
seen violent images?
Nitai: Then it’s important to find
other images to reduce the impact—beautiful scenery, nature,
animals—and especially scenes of compassion related to the
event such as images of people helping each other or praying for
the victims.
Q: What about the children over 12?
Nitai: Our junior and senior high school
students knew right away what had happened and we discussed it
a number of times.
Q: What were the main concerns?
Nitai: They wanted to know what in the
Muslim religion would make people want to do something like this.
So we brought in a member of the Muslim faith from our local area
to discuss his religion. He explained that the people who committed
these acts were unbalanced
and weren’t acting from Muslim beliefs.
Q: Had you done any thing before September 11th
to help the teens learn how best to respond to challenging events?
Nitai: In fact we had. In our “Understanding
People” course, we studied how different cultures come into
contact, how natural it is to have differences, and how these
differences sometimes lead to conflict.
A particularly powerful experience for the students
was studying Mahatma Gandhi’s and Nelson
Mandela’s responses to discrimination and injustice. The
students read books on the lives of these men and also watched
the movie “Gandhi.”
They learned that when faced with injustice,
or with any challenging situation, we always have a choice. We can
embrace the challenge and expand and grow, or we can push it away
and be afraid and contract. The challenge, of course, is always
to find a way to expand.
Q: I guess the lesson is that a contractive
attitude can lead to the kind of acts that occurred on September
11th?
Nitai: Right. When you stereotype the
other side as devils, it’s easy to think that whatever you
do to them is okay because you have God on your side.
Q: How do you help teens choose the direction
of expansion?
Nitai: This question is especially important
when working with teens. They’re outgrowing their little
enclosed world of childhood, the secure garden you tried to provide
for them. It’s a time
in life when they need to develop their will power, and challenges
are an important means of accomplishing this.
For example, there was a boy in our school who
tended to freeze mentally when confronted with new situations,
academic or otherwise. One day I handed him the book Affirmations
and Prayers, by Kriyananda, and said, “I want you to find
and memorize an affirmation that will help you get through these
blocks.”
He picked the one on “willingness”
that goes “I welcome everything that comes to me as an opportunity
for further growth.” We also made a list of all the “I
can’t” words and phrases he
used as negative affirmations and focused on removing them from
his vocabulary.
From then on he started making progress. He began
to see that he could deal with algebra, with learning to debate,
and with the many other challenges that are a part of life. Gradually
that new attitude became part of who he is.
Q: I imagine that teaching teens how to serve
is also important?
Nitai: Very much so. We have problems with
teens in our culture partly because there are so few ways for
them to get constructively involved in life’s challenges.
When kids reach their teens
they become aware of life’s problems and have a deep need
to do something about them. Young teenagers especially are very
open and idealistic. If they have ways of expressing that idealism,
they learn how to find solutions to life’s challenges instead
of being upset by them. But if there’s no outlet for their
idealism, they become cynical and angry.
So we get the students involved in service projects
that involve working with handicapped kids, homeless people, the
elderly and other needy groups. This type of one-on-one service
is very helpful to teens.
They begin to see that change can happen. The experience
of giving food to a hungry person or of playing with a handicapped
child affirms the teenagers’ self-worth because they’ve
been able to be an instrument to help others.
When hard times hit, whether it’s economic
turmoil, terrorism, or some other difficulty, we don’t want
to contract in upon ourselves. There’s a simple formula
for transcending that—and that’s doing something for
others. It’s a very important part of a young person's training.
Q: Where does God fit into the picture? Is there
any particular age at which a child is more receptive to learning
about God?
Nitai: There’s a lot of individuality
but also certain patterns. I’ve seen incredible devotion
in children during the feeling years, 6-12. They will just fall
in love with Krishna or the baby Jesus. This is the positive side
of their being so open. But this type of devotion generally comes
to an
end around the age of puberty.
The natural focus of teenagers is on exploring
the outer world, so their spiritual growth comes mainly in this
domain. Our high school is based on adventure, service and self-discovery.
Through adventure, students feel the expansion and
empowerment that come with overcoming limitations. With service
there is the tangible experience of upliftment in helping others.
Both lead to a greater sense of self-discovery which is then supported
and deepened through meditation. But for teens the primary focus
is “God in action.” Their spiritual activities must
reflect this.
Q: It seems that Education for Life tries to
help students become strong in themselves—to be able to
meet whatever life brings.
Nitai: Yes. Even when we’re not dealing
with September 11th events, these are still troubling times. You
can’t get away from it. We’re training the children
to be spiritual warriors, to learn to
respond with creative, solution-oriented energy and not to become
discouraged when there are challenges in life.
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